Without dark, there is no light.
Every morning for the past 14 years we have sent our kids to school in fear of that text - that one text that might be the last text. No hugs, no tears, just a text.
"Gun shots, locked in, stay away. I love you."
Last fall, we got that text as twenty rounds of bullets flew through the halls of our community high school. Funny-not-funny-at-all, they were supposed to have a lockdown drill on the same day. So, I didn’t believe it at first.
"Stay quiet, barricade the door, escape if you can."
Our child in a dark room, hiding under a table, hoping against all odds that he would make it out. We held our breath, terrified that his next text would not come - as sirens flew by and worried calls and e-mails flooded in from families and friends. This was the worst day of our lives.
We did this for hour and a half until we knew he was safe - after he was escorted out, hands on head, at gunpoint (for his safety), walking through bullets and blood. Reunited, we cried. we hugged and we didn't want to let him go. Ever. We thanked the teachers, the school staff, the police and mourned for the two who did not make it out physically the same.
Today, so many days later, we should be fine. Everyone else is fine, aren't they? It's over. We should feel normal. But, we don't. We don't feel normal. What happened is not normal. We are not OK. This is not OK
And, more importantly, our child is not OK. He wants to forget, to wish away that day like it never happened. But he can't. It will have an imprint on us for the rest of our lives. He graduates tomorrow. He will go to college in just a few months and take that memory, that trauma with him. He will have it for the rest of his life. And he is not OK.
So I write this because we can never forget what happened. We can never forget what happened here. We can never forget what happened at Columbine. We can never forget Platte Canyon and Emily Keyes. We can never forget Sandy Hook. We can never forget Stoneman Douglas. We can never forget the Aurora Theater, Boulder King Soopers, Las Vegas, Uvalde...the list is too, too long. Too, too many that we can never forget. Because this is not normal.
No child, no teacher, no parent, no friend, no neighbor should ever have to feel this. No one.
But I haven’t given up hope because there is a silver lining. From this horrible black hole of darkness, we can learn. We can continue to improve, to make change, make better each and every time, to keep doing more until it stops. And, we must make it stop because this is not OK.
